A lesson in love

When the Munchkin was born, I had no doubt in my ability to love her. She was my firstborn, and it seemed so natural to just pour all this love and affection on to her.

When I learned that I was pregnant with Baby Boy, I panicked a little. I loved the Munchkin so much that I was afraid that I couldn’t love another baby as much. When I went into labor with Baby Boy, I had to restrain myself from waking the Munchkin up for one more hug, because I wanted to tell her how much I loved her and how that wouldn’t change just because we were going to have a second baby.

Then Baby Boy was laid into my arms, and it was like my heart grew. All of a sudden, I had enough love for the Munchkin and for him. And I finally understood one of the wonders of love – you never run out.

The best way that I can describe it is that God creates each individual heart with the capacity to love. When you learn to love someone, they get their own chamber in your heart, marked with their name. And yet, each additional chamber that gets opened up doesn’t take away from the square footage of the first chambers. When Baby Boy was born, his chamber door was unlocked instantly and I had the ability to love him just as much as I loved the Munchkin without taking anything away from her. My time may be subdivided, but my love is not.

I think that this is true with all the people that I care for in my life. For example, I have two sisters. It never occured to me that I would love one sister less when the other one was born. They each had their own marked spot in my heart, predesigned by God, and ready for them to move in. I do love them differently, because they are different people. My sister who is five years younger than me, I love as a comrade-in-arms, someone who experienced the same events and circumstances of my own childhood, and now that we are grown-up, I can rely on her as a friend as well. My youngest sister I love more as a mother might. I’m not her mother, but there are 14 years between us and I’ve been mistaken for her mom more times than I can count. Our relationship has been marked by the years between us, so I have always been grown-up in her eyes. I learned to drive when she was two. I got married when she was seven – she was my flower girl. We relate to each other in a completely different way than I do with my other sister, but I love them both.

So, I am not afraid of being able to love another baby after this one. That future child, God willing, has his or her own place in my heart which they hold the key to. My little niece has her own spot, even though she won’t be born until next March, just the same way I loved Little Cousin when she arrived.

If I, as a human mother, can love my children and family in such an unlimitless way, how much more must God be able to love us? It boggles the mind.

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