As Seen On TV!

Saturday evening, Friend, Doc, the Brain and Head joined us for dinner. Doc had had a really looong day fixing a shower head (read: six hours fighting with it), so they were very happy to come over to a pre-prepared meal, even though the weather was especially nasty with the wind and rain and dark by 5 pm and all.

The Webmaster then produced a bottle of red wine that he had been intending to open for months to share with Friend and Doc over a meal. The wine, called Red Table Wine (produced by The Magnificent Wine Company of Prosser, Washington) was a red mix, meaning that it was 95% merlot, 3% cabernet sauvignon, and 2% syrah (I have no idea what that is, and being a teetotaler, I am blissful in my ignorance). The three of them proceeded to enjoy the wine with the meal (au gratin potatoes and ham, with salad) while saying things like, “This is so smooth!” and “I can’t believe this is 95% merlot!”

They like to think they are wine snobs. 🙂 In reality, they like to try different things to see what’s good for cheap. For instance, I have been told by them that Trader Joe’s wine (aka “three-buck Chuck”) is pretty good. After their trip to Italy when the Brain was a baby, they brought back a couple of bottles that they said were especially good, and fairly inexpensive.

Since I don’t drink, the Webmaster rarely gets to indulge unless we have company or we’re at someone else’s house. So it is a small luxury for him, and so long as the kids understand that it is off-limits for them, no problem.

After dinner, we had an incident. The Munchkin decided that she wanted to get at a glass. I don’t think she really wanted a taste – I think she wanted the crystal goblet it was in. I was standing at the table clearing up when her little hand closed around the stem.

I frantically tried to grab it from her, and while I saved the goblet, the red wine spilled all over the table and onto the floor. Panicking, the Munchkin tried to run away. She was barefoot, and slipped and fell onto the wine-splattered hardwood floor.

The four adults sprang into action. The Webmaster stripped the Munchkin out of her clothes, right down to her diaper. He had been holding Baby Boy, who went to Doc. I started wiping up everything, and taking all the stained items (1 shirt, 1 pair of jeans, 1 table runner (white with apples on it), and 1 bib) and throwing them in the sink. Friend kept her head, and went straight to the computer. I was so mad at the Munchkin that I could have spit nails.

Friend immediately hits Google to see how to remove red wine stains. “This one says to pour hot water onto the stain from 3 feet above it,” she says.

“How are we supposed to do that in here?” I ask.

The next solution provided was baking soda. I had used baking soda before to get rid of grape juice stains, so the theory, in my mind, was sound. The baking soda removed the red color and left a gray stain where the wine had been. Not much improvement, but a little.

“Oxi-Clean!” Friend calls to me. “This website recommends Oxi-Clean! And they don’t sell it or anything.”

We happen to have a Costco-sized Oxi-Clean tub in the garage. The Webmaster grabs a soaking basin, the Oxi-Clean, and brings it into the kitchen. One scoop of Oxi-Clean to at least one quart of – “What temperature water?” I ask.

“Warm-ish to hot, I think,” Friend says.

When the basin is prepared, everything is thrown in. Less than five minutes later, the stains are gone. Gone. No red, no gray, gone.

There are not words enough to express my relief that I didn’t have to kill the Munchkin. As it was, her only punishment for the whole incident (other than gettting yelled at) was to be banned from the kitchen for the rest of the night.

So when you see the infomericals promoting Oxi-Clean, and they do the “removes wine stains” example with the squirt bottle of prepared Oxi-Clean solution… believe it. It works. Obviously, clean up the stains ASAP, because then you have a better chance of getting it all out. But Oxi-Clean was a lifesaver – just ask the Munchkin.

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