Breaking up is hard to do

That’s it. I’m done.

As of two nights ago, Tad has nursed for the last time.

I almost quit a couple of weeks ago, because he was starting to “play” while he should have been nursing. It was quite annoying – and painful, because he kept pulling off (with teeth) to poke at me and try and handle the breast like it was his bottle. But just as I was thinking that was it, he began nursing again very seriously – to the point that he was falling asleep immediately after finishing. So, then I figured that if he was getting that much comfort from it, I couldn’t stop now. Besides, it was just once a day, and he’s only just over a year old.

Sunday night, he signed his own walking papers. He was screwing around, and I was getting frustrated. As he pulled off, and then re-latched on, he bit me so hard that I screamed. The Webmaster came running because he thought that Tad had screamed. Fortunately, he didn’t draw any blood, but I had some nice teeth marks.

I finished nursing him as best as I could, watching out for his teeth, and then sighed. I like breastfeeding him, but it’s just too freakin’ painful. And he’s 13 months old today, so it’s not like I’m shorting him. I just can’t take the pain. He accepts a bottle with ease, and if he’s going to bite, then I quit.

So, last night I heated up a bottle, got out the nursing pillow, and he and I snuggled as he sucked down the bottle. He was getting quite drowsy as he finished it. Then I burped him, and took him to his room. Lately, he has just been refusing to be rocked or cuddled – he wants to go straight into his crib, where he lays down immediately and snuggles up with his stuffed animals. He does not make a peep as we turn on his music and close the door. Compare that to his sister, who gets her bedtime stories, and then we have to pray, and then she picks out her music (CD of the moment: Lilo and Stitch original soundtrack), and then if I’m the one putting her to bed, she pleads, “Mommy, we snuggle little bit?” So then I cuddle with her, and she wants me to rub her arms, her tummy, and her back (in that order), and then for me to put an arm over her so she can settle down. And if she’s not asleep when I get up, I have to make sure that I’ve given her one last hug and kiss before I can get permission to leave.

When Tad is about 15 months old, we’ll start trying to read to him at night. I’m hoping that he’ll outgrow his need to eat books before then, so he won’t be trying to chew on Goodnight, Moon while I’m reading it to him. In the meantime, if he wants to go straight to his crib after having a bottle, no problem – so long as I can get in one last kiss on his chubby cheek.

So, there is no more breastfeeding in this house – at least, until the next baby comes along. But the Webmaster and I have decided that I’m going to have at least one full year of not being pregnant or nursing before we try again. I’m perfectly fine with that. In the meantime, though, Tad has given up one more vestige of babyhood, and while I won’t miss the biting, I will miss other elements of it.

Oh, how they grow.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, September 12th, 2006 at 2:17 am and is filed under Children, Mommyhood.
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