This is why I can’t get anything done

So, the Captain’s birthday is coming up, and I wanted to mail his package yesterday. This was the plan:

– wake up early, get kids fed
– run errands to grocery store, post office, and gas station between breakfast and lunch
– get home, feed kids lunch, get them down for naps
– church starts at 7 pm

I blew it very early on. The phone rang and woke me up yesterday morning. “Good morning, sleepyhead!” Friend sang to me on the other end. “Are you still in bed?”

“What time is it?” I manage to splutter out.

“9:30. Why?”

“The kids are still asleep!!”

“Wow. That’s pretty late for them.”

No kidding. After we got off the phone (after I turned down a play date with her and the boys because of the planned errands), the Munchkin ambled into my room and climbed into bed with me. “Good morning, Mommy,” she said cheerfully. “Let’s watch Mister Rogers.”

I had to wake Tad up to get him moving. Breakfast was the last of the lemon pound cake muffins, yogurt, and milk. We really needed to get to the grocery store – I was totally out of eggs. I turned on Sesame Street so I could have a few seconds of peace to drink my tea (yes, tea this morning – I don’t like drinking coffee before leaving the house) and eat my own muffin, but the kids were just determined at every turn to dawdle and hinder my efforts. The climax of this “make Mommy crazy” experiment happened when Tad bit an eye out of his bunny blanket. Well, he managed to get his jaws around the knot of thread that makes the eye, and then pulled and snapped the string holding it together with the other eye with his teeth. I took his bunny from him (tears followed), and proceeded to gather up matching thread and a needle and gave the bunny a lobotomy to put his eye back in his head. The operation was a success. I hope those stitches hold.

Why did I stop and fix the bunny right then? Because I couldn’t keep Tad away from the thing – he actually climbed onto the table to get at it while I was sewing. It was actually easier to stop everything and perform surgery than to put the bunny up for treatment later.

We finally left the house at noon. I figured the kids could eat a later lunch, since they had a later breakfast.

The grocery shopping went well – unless you count when Tad managed to wriggle out of his seatbelt in the firetruck cart and went running down the aisle to check out the fine cuts of packaged ham, while the Munchkin tattled hysterically, “Oh, Mommy, look what Tad is doing!!” The best money I spent was $1.28 for a pound of seasoned potato wedges (aka really big and tasty fries) to feed the kids as we finished up. Everyone in the checkout line was stunned at how quiet the kids were… until they saw the food in their hands. Then everyone said, “Ahhh…”

Off to the post office. The Munchkin kept saying, “We send package to Uncle Captain! It’s his birf-day!” I had to put Tad down to pay for the shipping, and he promptly ran off. I sicced the Munchkin on him, and she managed to herd him back toward my general direction – much to the amusement of all the postal workers and the other customers. I changed Tad’s diaper in the car, knowing that he’d had enough potato wedges to fill his little tummy, call it lunch, and fall asleep. When I stopped at the gas station, he was barely awake. And then the Munchkin crashed on me as well.

I managed to get Tad into his crib and down for a long nap, but the Munchkin woke up as I took off her coat and shoes and attempted to get a Pull-up on her. “Mommy, I awake,” she said.

Crap.

So, she took all of a five-minute nap. I made her stay in bed and listen to CD’s, but she whined and whined and whined. I let her up after an hour, but I knew that she was going to be a miserable little snot later. She threw a total temper tantrum when I wouldn’t let her watch TV. I had visions of the church nursery being in total chaos because of her extreme lack of nap.

We got to church late because the kids were intent on spreading macaroni and cheese all over the kitchen before we left. Of course, I didn’t have time to clean it up until after we got home. I’ll say this much, the kids behaved well in the nursery, and went straight to bed when we got home.

Is it any wonder I’m up until all hours of the night?? How do I manage to do anything with these monkeys on my back??

Well, the grocery shopping is done, the Captain’s package is on its way to him, and the minivan has a full tank of gas. So I guess I got my errands done, at least. And the kitchen is clean and macaroni-free now, too.

Still, must they put me through all this? I think I already know the answer.

This entry was posted on Thursday, October 19th, 2006 at 2:30 am and is filed under Children, Mommyhood, Shopping Stories.
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