Revenge is a dish best served NOW

Last week at Sparks, Ane had made a “bird feeder.” It consisted of half a bagel spread with peanut butter, which was then dipped in birdseed and sunflower seeds.

Yesterday morning, she reminded me that we still hadn’t hung it up for the birds to eat. So, we left early for the bus stop and hung it on the hydrangea bush outside our living room window.

By the time her bus came (late) and I walked home, the bagel was in the driveway, having been deftly removed by squirrels, crows, or some combination thereof. The crows were picking at it when I approached.

Sighing, I put it back near the hydrangea, knowing that this was not going to end well. And sure enough, by the time I left to wait for Tad at the bus stop, the bagel was gone. I saw the remains of it in our neighbors’ yard, being eaten by a crow. And after Tad and I walked home, I saw a squirrel scoping out the bush to see if any other goodies had been left on it for him.

If you know anything about Ane, you can imagine her reaction when she discovered that the squirrels had made a peanut butter and sunflower seed sandwich out of her “bird feeder.” She was livid. She was distraught. She sobbed. She fumed.

All at the same time.

And she wanted the squirrels DEAD.

Jokingly, I suggested that she call Grandma to ask if she could borrow Auntie’s BB gun to shoot at squirrels. She took me seriously, got the phone, and called Grandma. “Grandma, can I borrow Auntie’s Bitty Baby gun?”

“BB gun,” I corrected her, valiantly trying not to laugh.

“I need to kill the squirrels who ate my bird feeder,” she explained. Grandma tried to tell her that God made squirrels, too, and that they need to eat as well. “I don’t care, I just want to kill them,” she sobbed.

Grandma suggested that she ask her Daddy for a gun to shoot the squirrels. “But he’ll say no!” Ane cried.

Sadly, even a talk with Grandma could not cool Ane’s rage and bloodlust. I got the phone from Ane, who said, “I just can’t talk anymore,” and spoke to Grandma, who I could tell felt bad for Ane, but who was also trying not to laugh.

The poor girl was so bummed that she initially refused to eat her lunch – mac & cheese, which she normally loves, so you know she was upset. I called Ressis, who suggested showing her some squirrel catapult videos from YouTube to cheer her up (Ressis also said that if Oddball was there, he’d be over at our house in a heartbeat, ready to take his niece on a squirrel hunt). The squirrel videos made her laugh, which made her feel better enough to eat her lunch, though “not all the way better,” as she said.

I told her about the time that Rusty (Grandma and Gichan’s dog) actually caught and maimed a squirrel to death. She then wanted to know when we could get a dog, since I wasn’t going to let her just go out armed to hunt squirrels.

My last words on the subject? “Ask your father.”

This entry was posted on Thursday, January 14th, 2010 at 1:52 am and is filed under Children, Family, Life in the Pacific Northwest.
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